so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
