9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
