if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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