He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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