Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
