Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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