sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
