Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
