I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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