WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Found the puke drawer
We have started to decorate penises.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
