My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
