I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
