I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
