if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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