I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
