i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
