at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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