Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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