the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
