Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
