I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
