It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
