I wannas sexs uuuuu
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I didn't notice because vodka
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
