I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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