I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
