If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
