Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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