My nipple is on Facebook.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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