Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
