I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
