My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
