allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
