so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
