I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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