so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
