sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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