Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize