You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
