she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
