I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
