Soap is not a condiment
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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