Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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