just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
