It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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