bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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