I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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