i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
