My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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