trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
