is your mom at the bar?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
