I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
