It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
