I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
