We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
