This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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