Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
