video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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