Where did you get a picture of my penis
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A bitchslap is in order.
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