my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
