just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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