ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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