so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
is that a dick in a sweater?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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