i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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