You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize