these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he shaved USA in his pubs
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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