We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
