I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
