I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
