At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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