i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
